


Two Months

by meesherbeans



Series: You Make Me Feel Human [9]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Non-Explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3145436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meesherbeans/pseuds/meesherbeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After defeating Sovereign at the Battle of the Citadel, the Normandy's crew is given two months shore leave on the Citadel. Kaidan and Shepard keep the promise they made before Ilos and spend the time together, hiding in a small apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Best Mistake

As I followed her away, my face was still schooled to utter respect…somehow. What I really wanted to do is laugh until my sides hurt. Leave it to her to get humanity a spot on the Council, recommend a soldier instead of a politician, and then scold them all about how she has too much work to do to lay around for two months on leave, all before she can even change out of her armor. Thankfully the asari councilor managed to point out Shepard had to worry about letting her arm heal; that actually gave her some pause. Even ‘Commander Fucking Shepard' can't kill Geth with a poorly healed shooting arm. I secretly hoped it also helped that she managed to break the arm she already had some issues with because of an old knife wound. So she relented – for the time being.

Once we were at least half-way back to the Normandy, she paused and groaned as her head drooped. I couldn't help a small glance around just to make sure. Yep, the three of us were definitely alone. Garrus gave me what I think was probably the turian equivalent of a raised eyebrow before shrugging softly. I stepped to close the distance between us and gently placed my hand against her lower back. Even though my gloved hand clinked against her thick armor, I couldn't help but feel like it was the most intimate, couple-like gesture we'd ever allowed ourselves.

Well…other than last night, of course.

"You alright?"

Her head gently shook from side to side. "Feels like my arm's on fire. And I would know – my arm's been on fire before."

Yep, that was her: mask pain with humor. I try to fight back the quirk of my lips as they hover near her ear for only a split second; long enough to whisper, "I'll take care of you." I then step back to our usual position. Garrus gives me a look that crosses all species lines.

_Really?_

I cleared my throat. Back to business. "Come on; Doctor Chakwas is going to be upset if we don't report to her for treatment immediately."

Both of them shook their head this time. What, am I that predictable?

* * *

I wasn't kidding when I said my arm felt like it was burning. I also wasn't kidding when I said my arm had been on fire before, too. At least Doc (she seems to like the nickname Kaidan gave her, so I just go with it) managed to set my arm with relatively little fanfare. A clean break is always good because they're usually a clean heal, as well. I'm only stuck with this damn cast for a few days, and it'll take a few more for me to build my muscle back up. A week, tops, total healing time. God bless medi-gel. Guess my shore leave will have to wait a bit.

Heh. Shore leave. There's no way I'm getting away from the Citadel for any of that time, but that's just fine with me on one level. Hopefully they'll let me just stay on the Normandy the whole time anyway. Doubtful, though. I should find out if I even have that apartment any more. I _think_ rent was still being taken out for it…

The last of my ration bar slides down nice and easy. Food feels so good after a long battle on little sleep. I have to bite my lip hard when the memory of _why_ I had so little sleep flashes through my mind. My face heats up and my stomach starts to do that incredibly annoying fluttery thing again. God, I'm _thirty_. Why am I getting butterflies in my stomach when I think about –

– Him? He steps out of the medbay, _looking_ no worse for the wear; I saw the huge bruise and cut on the left side of his lower neck when we unsuited, though. I had winced and managed to keep my concern professional, especially when I saw just how close the bruising had spread to his implant site. Thankfully the doctor's orders to eat and rest immediately kept me from fawning over him. _That'd_ look suspicious. He walks over and sits down like I'm any other crew member. We had become _very_ good at this routine over the past few months, but we also had never slept together before last night.

There is a quiet difference in the air between us. Things had definitely changed. He doesn't hesitate to reach over my hand for a bottle of that disgusting looking biotic shake ration, but he isn't as careful as he has been in the past. His wrist grazes the top of my hand as he sits back. Our eyes immediately twitch up and meet before surreptitiously glancing around the mess hall: alone, but never truly alone. My shoulders lower a fraction when we notice no one saw. He frowns softly before downing most of the drink.

"So, how's your neck?"

"It's fine, just a bruise and minor puncture. Doctor Chakwas says it won't affect my biotics at all. I'm fit for duty whenever, ma'am."

A low, gravelly laugh makes it way from the elevator; we both can't help but grin a little when we recognize it. Garrus walks around from the other side, clapping Kaidan on his right shoulder. "You know, Alenko, you make a better turian than I do. I'd be looking for any excuse to have some down time right now." All three of us laugh as he sits down next to Kaidan. His head jerks toward my arm. "So. What about you, Shepard? That arm going to heal properly?"

My sullen nod must seem pretty funny to them, given the way Garrus chortles – I had no idea turians _could_ chortle – and the way Kaidan smiles sweetly at me. I decide to hide the growing blush in my mug. He better not do that when others are around. They'll _know_. I let the next sip of deliciously hot tea clear my throat for me. "Yeah. Looks like I'm stuck with a cast and giving up some of my shore leave. Doubt they'll let me off the Citadel, either way. Hope I still have my little apartment if they kick me off the ship."

"I doubt they'll let anyone stay on the ship, Commander. They'll be too busy bringing cameras through and giving interviews…probably interviews with you."

I scoff. "Like hell. I'm not giving any of those blood suckers an interview. I'll punch them with my good arm if they try."

Garrus leans over to Kaidan and, using a rather human mannerism, mock-whispers, "Someone keep al-Jilani away from her. Pass the word."

Roaring laughter fills the mess hall as the elevator beeps. We all wince and cringe; were we so loud that we were disturbing the folks upstairs? Kaidan sips his shake, I take a gulp of tea, and Garrus begins to fiddle with his omni-tool. The quiet click-clack of crutches a moment later tells us who's coming around; we all relax and continue laughing. Joker won't care. Hell, he'll probably join in. Sure enough, our pilot and good friend walks around the corner before immediately letting a quip fly to our little group.

"Aw c'mon, Garrus; you're not even letting those two celebrate being alive human-style?"

Everything goes silent. On a ship like the Normandy, when things go silent, they go _silent_. I stare at Kaidan in concern for a split second before averting my eyes to glare at Joker. I'm _trying_ to put on the stern Commander Face, but it isn't really working. He just called our bluff and he called it well. I'm the first to clear my throat. "That's not an appropriate assumption to make about your officers, Flight Lieuten–"

Joker clicks over to sit out of punching range of my good arm, but still at the same table as us. "Yeah, and it's not nice to lie to your friends. Especially when you all just went through hell and back together."

Both Kaidan and I lower our gazes to our preferred beverages. He's right, of course; but at the same time, Joker has to understand why we're being so careful. He's as sharp as he is a good pilot. A frail hand reaches between Kaidan and me to grab a ration bar.

Garrus is the one that breaks the silence this time. "Are regulations that strict in the Alliance?"

"You know, hearing how stringent you claim the turian military is, I'm surprised to hear you ask that, Garrus." Kaidan shifts to face our alien friend more directly, that curious glint in his eye igniting. God, he looks so amazing when his intellect is piqued. Doesn't help that his face is tilted just the right way to accentuate his jaw…

A soft poke knocks me out of my train of thought, my mind shooting back to the present. Joker murmurs, "Save the puppy eyes for shore leave, Shepard." I have no doubt my face has already lit up in a new fiery blush at his well-meant but still teasing chide.

Time for me to go. Clearly the pain meds are lowering my inhibitions (or maybe it's an adrenaline low, who knows) and I need to hide in my cabin before I do something that'd actually get us in trouble. I wait for a lull in Garrus's description of the turian military's rank structure and regs before carefully standing up.

"Time for some shut eye, I think. This thing isn't going to heal any faster by staying awake." My encased arm slowly rises and nestles back against my stomach. All three men nod and I look first at Kaidan, then to Garrus before finally resting my eyes on Joker. "And Joker?"

"Yeah?"

I lean over to whisper in his ear. The best part about that I that I can practically feel the hesitant jealousy rolling off of Kaidan. Oh, I love his jealous streak. "If you spill the beans, I'll email your sister all your extranet bookmarks."

I stiffly saunter the whole couple dozen feet to my cabin as Joker's loud laughter rings behind me. I can feel Kaidan's eyes on me the whole way; it's exhilarating. The door seals shut behind me and I just can't help myself: thirty or not, commander in the military or not, _Spectre_ or not, I pump my arm as I do a little jump. We _made it._ Sovereign is destroyed, and while we're far from done with the Reaper threat, everyone made it out alive! Kaidan and I had kept our promise to each other. We were both alive, and had two months to sort everything between us out. I feel like I could just float away; I haven't felt this outright happy in years. Time to make sure I have somewhere to go when they kick me off the ship.

* * *

The desk chair felt amazing when I sunk into it. It took all my concentration to type on the console; with only one hand, it was damn time consuming. I searched through records, not finding a thing. That didn't bode well. I didn't have time to go find a new place to stay. I was so engrossed in my growingly futile search, and so exhausted, that I didn't even notice when someone walked into my room and locked the door. Hands gently began to knead my shoulders, a familiar electric static discharge shocking my spine straight. My head flew up, eyes connecting with soft brown. An involuntary grin spread across my face as he spun me around in the chair to face him. "Hi."

"Hey."

"Isn't sneaking into your CO's quarters a breach of regulation, Lieutenant?"

His hand grasped my good one, pulling me to stand flush against him. Warmth rushed from my cheeks down to my toes as his other hand dragged up my back. This was breaking so many rules and I couldn't have cared less if I tried. His voice was husky; whether with emotion or on purpose, I couldn't tell. It was captivating either way. "Then I surrender myself to the senior officer for censure."

"Unfortunately," my hand trailed up to rest against his chest. "This isn't the time or place for a proper…debriefing, Lieutenant Alenko." Oh, god. Were we going to start using military jargon as a way of coyly flirting with each other? We were such dorks.

He must have had the same thought, because the sweet smile on his lips twisted into a sheepish grin. Hell, I'd almost call it boyish. I melted a little when he coupled that with my real name. "Kaelia, let's be honest here. What do you want to do?"

I twitched at his question. Not because it was a bad question, but because apparently he felt the need to accompany it by drifting his fingers along my spine. An involuntary groan escaped as I pushed him back. "You know what I _want_ to do. What we _should_ do is what I'm worried about."

"Well, we have time. Do you want to talk about it now?" At my nod, he guided me to the bed and helped me sit down, quickly settling next to me and holding my good hand. It amazed me just how quickly he could switch gears from trying to seduce me to being the epitome of gentlemanly. I decided that was yet another thing I loved about him.

We both sat in silence for a few moments and enjoyed the small things: our thighs pressed together, fingers woven, the way his shoulder edged just behind mine. Once we spoke, the silent magic of simply _being_ together would be broken…and we both knew it. His thumbs nervously rubbed gentle circles along my wrist and I couldn't help but rest my head against his shoulder. I knew what I wanted to say: that I wanted to damn all the regs, to pounce on him right now and not care what anyone thought. That he was the most important person in my life and that I loved him.

But I couldn't say that.

I was already a Commander _and_ had fought in two battles that people were calling me ‘war hero' for. I could retire now at the young age of thirty and live comfortably, if not handsomely. Kaidan was a biotic, and only a Lieutenant. There was a much higher risk of him getting in real trouble than I would if we were caught. There's no way I could ask him to make such a sacrifice, to take such a chance on me. Just as I began to formulate the words to express to him how much I didn't want to end it but had to, his voice cut through my thoughts and set my stomach in knots.

"I'm not that good at grand confessions. I'm even worse at taking risks. You know I always leave myself a way out." I began to think I was going to throw up my ration bar. I knew it'd be too much to ask of him. One of his hands untangled from mine and settled instead on my lower back. He turned me to face him and what I saw took my breath away. He was smiling at me again, a soft but happy smile that reached all the way to his eyes. "We kept our promise from last night. Permission to speak freely?"

My throat went completely dry. My stomach twisted even more. I couldn't tear my eyes from his for the life of me. I only slowly nodded.

His other hand reached to comb through my hair, cupping my jaw at the end. "I don't care." He paused to let that sink in for a few moments. "I don't care about any of it. We can keep it secret, and I know we'll be able to keep it from affecting our duties. All I know is I can't stand the thought of pushing you away."

Hearing him saying the risk was worth it to him crushed my reservations and I began to smile stupidly. The next thing I knew, my arm was securely wrapped around him and my face was pressed against his neck. Both his arms carefully circled me, ever mindful of my cast. I mumbled into his skin, hoping he understood me; the deep chuckle resonating near my face told me he didn't. "What was that?"

I twisted to breathe a laugh against his ear. "This is a huge mistake."

He grinned and leaned to kiss my shoulder. "We never do anything half-way on the Normandy."


	2. Hidden Away

Ugh, I hated reporters and politicians. Even the brass had started to get on my nerves in the past week. Finally, _finally,_ they said I was free to enjoy the rest of my shore leave. I had no idea when she'd get there, but we promised to head to her place when finally dismissed. I sullenly thought it was likely I'd be at the apartment for a good week alone before she managed to slip away.

Hiding our relationship was exhilarating, though: stealing heated moments pressed against the ship's elevator walls, trying to sneak her small winks when no one else was looking, the "innocent" notes of affection being anonymously sent to our private accounts. It felt like high school, minus the awkward and acne.

The apartment I walked up to seemed nondescript enough. It was near the Presidium and Alliance docking bays, but certainly far enough away that the rent would be reasonable on a junior officer's salary. I keyed in the code she gave me and waited for the door to slide open; the system took a minute to chew on it before finally going through. I stepped into what had to be the most sparsely decorated apartment I had ever seen in my life. My own apartment looked like an interior designer had just _finished_ the place compared to this. Did she even have somewhere to sit…?

I managed to find everything after some searching. This place didn't even have a separate bedroom, but given how little she seemed to come back here, I doubt it'd have been worth the extra money anyway. At least she managed to get a separate bathroom with a real shower and tub. The kitchen was pretty much one cabinet – full of long-expired packaged goods – and a microwave with mini-fridge.

Leave it to Shepard to have a place to escape to and then never escape to it.

I had a sudden flashback to college when I opened the fridge and all I saw was a bunch of energy drinks and military rations. _Guess I'll have to get some take out later._

The door chimed softly and slid open. My stomach did a quick flip; this was entirely too much fun, this sneaking around. I couldn't quite hold back a conspiratorial grin when a woman walked through the door. My smile immediately dropped when a tall woman with long black hair and huge glasses carrying two huge bags came into focus. She either didn't see me or didn't seem to care there was a random man in her apartment. Her back turned to me as her fingers flew over the pad and locked the door.

My throat cleared. "Um, miss?" I was greeted with an all too familiar laugh. It was loud, unfettered, and most certainly hers. Everything clicked into place immediately. _A disguise? Hah!_ I started to laugh and went to help her with the bags. "Really, a disguise?"

Her head violently tossed to the left, fake glasses flying to the side. Vibrant green eyes shone up at me as she let me take one of the bags. "Yes, _really,_ a disguise. You think the damn reporters were going to let up on me?" I followed her as she kicked off an impressive set of heels and put her bag on the table. The smell of deliciously bad food wafted in the air. "I don't want them to know I live here; hell, I even changed the name on it after that Blitz mess."

I peered into the bag I was holding; almost entirely biotic calorie bars and drinks. "You didn't have to…"

"'Course I did! Interview after interview…ugh. I'm telling you, saving the galaxy is too much work _after_ the fact." She pulled the black wig off, bright red hair sticking straight up in a tangled heap. I immediately set my bag down and reached to help smooth the tendrils back into place. "Well, one week down…seven to go."

"I hope you're not planning on having me cooped up in here for seven straight weeks, Commander." Oh, _yes_ , I did.

She snaked her arms around my neck and pulled my lips roughly against hers. "I won't tolerate insubordination in the ranks, Lieutenant." She grinned against my mouth.

* * *

It was weird not being in her cabin. For months on end, she had considered it home: tiny, hard bed, no private bathroom and all. The feel of her civilian-quality bed and real sheets were becoming serious contenders in the "quit to do something else" fight. This was entirely too comfortable. A quick glance to her side revealed a half-awake gaze watching her contentedly. She couldn't help a small, giddy smile as she reached with a hand to trail her fingers along the arm he had snugly tucked around her.

Despite the fire raging between the two of them, it seemed both wanted to take their time jumping back into being intimate again. She thought it was better this way. Neither took what happened before Ilos lightly and she doubted they'd take whatever happened in the future lightly, either.

It had already been a week; the most ‘normal' week of her life, too. If someone told her a year ago that after actually saving the galaxy, she'd be living in an apartment with a biotic subordinate, finding endless amounts of joy in something as simple as doing the dishes together or discovering a mutual hatred of hockey, she probably would've decked them or laughed. Yet that's exactly what had happened. She would never admit it to him, but there was a small part of her that was petrified that they wouldn't click when not dancing around duty and secrecy.

The warm feeling in her chest as he pulled her closer and fixed a sleepy attempt of a kiss to her hair quickly allayed _that_ fear. She could easily see herself doing this for years. They were just as comfortable in battle as they were laughing and sharing childhood stories with each other. Her eyes slowly slid shut and she settled against his warm chest.

Tonight, nothing could hurt her.

* * *

Her mastery of chopsticks puts me to shame. I watch in fascination as she wolfs down something that I'd need the help of biotics to get into my mouth without ending up wearing most of it. "You're insane with those."

"Hmm?" A noodle sticks out of her mouth when she pauses mid-slurp at my statement. I can't help a quiet laugh.

"Charming, as always."

She grins and finishes the mouthful before leaning against me on the couch. Her arm gently rests against my thigh. "What am I insane with now?"

My arms automatically go around her. They always want to be around her; not that I can blame them. The chopsticks are lightly bonked by my hand on its way to her waist. "Those."

Simple sticks of wood are lifted into the air, lo mein sauce glistening on one end as she idly inspects them. "I suppose you get a lot of practice eating cheap stuff when you're a street rat."

I nod quietly. It's not a subject I particularly enjoy hearing about (who would _want_ to listen about the woman they love being forced to join a gang to avoid starving?), but it is one that gives insight into how she grew into the amazing firebrand in my arms. Surprisingly she doesn't say any more after that, though. Usually mentioning her childhood precludes a story…

Her silence probably means it's an unpleasant one. My arms tighten around her gently. I want to remind her: I'm here. I'll always be here. The best I can do is a soft kiss against her shoulder. Better to not bring it up.

* * *

I stick my head out of the bathroom, body hanging by the one hand I have latched to the door frame. "Lia, where'd you move my deodorant after your shower?"

Red hair sways against her chin as she gives me an interesting look: confused, touched, quiet. The box of cereal in her hands silently lowers to be set on the counter again. At first I think it's because I'm not wearing a shirt, given the way she ever so faintly blushes, but her question quickly rules that out. "…Lia?"

Ah, crap. When I was a kid, my mother always teased me about how much I loved to use nicknames. I'd done it with most people on our ship: Ash, Joker, Tali, Doc...she's the only one I had never really christened with one before. I stand straight and look to her. "Is that not okay? Me calling you that?"

"No, it's...fine. Just wasn't expecting it; any reason you want to call me that?"

My feet carry me over to the 'kitchen' and I lean against the one cabinet as my arms cross. She turns around and stands next to me, pressing against the wall. After a heartbeat our eyes finally meet. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell her until that moment, but I knew right then exactly why I had blurted out a new version of her name. My arms untwist from their cross over my chest and a hand reaches to trail down her arm. "Because I want a name that's just between us. I've never heard anyone call you 'Lia' before."

She was quiet, head tilting to watch my hand slowly drift down her arm and clasp her hand. Did I go too far? That sounded a little possessive. I'm not possessive, am I? A little jealous, sure, but I love her independence. Her voice softly drifts to my ears, low and thoughtful. "No one's _ever_ called me that before, actually. It was 'Kay' as a kid."

Before I can respond, she pushes away from the wall and up to capture my lips with hers. Unexpected, but never unwelcome; I easily wrap my arms around her and return the fiery offering, hands eagerly trailing up her back and lacing through her hair. The impromptu kiss takes my breath away. There's not much more intoxicating than the woman you love randomly kissing the daylights out of you.

She's breathing heavily when we pull apart, eyes half-lidded as they look up to me. "Say it again."

The request actually takes me by surprise...I didn't think she'd like the idea _that_ much. How can I resist a request like that, though? Especially when she's looking at me like _that_. "...Lia."

Her response is a much gentler kiss this time, slow and expressive. Soft lips carefully trace their way down my neck and all I can concentrate on is the heartbeat pounding in my ears and the searing trail of kisses against my skin. It suddenly dawns on me, in one foggy corner of my mind, that I'm pinning her against the wall now. That thought only drives me crazier, carried by her lips reaching my ear. I finally twitch and manage to push myself up only to get lost in her eyes the second they connect with mine.

"...Are you..." It may seem like a ridiculous question to some, especially because we've already _had_ sex, but this was different. I wasn't asking her if she was ready to have sex, I was asking her if she was ready for the next step. Ilos was a huge move forward, but we were both propelled there by the fact that we had a good chance of dying the next morning. I'm not sure I'd have gone to her quarters if that wasn't the case. The feelings were there, and they were certainly true, but the sense of urgency made it more a desperate need to prove our feelings and less an actual night of being together. It's why we'd been silently holding off on celebrating 'human-style,' as Joker had put it.

There it is. The small smile that lights up her eyes. She grins and laughs a lot, a mischievous twinkle sparkling at you...but there's a different smile that I've never seen her give anyone but me. The corners of her lips barely pull up and her eyes shine.

That was the look that ultimately broke me the night before Ilos. When she smiled at me like that, I knew nothing else in this universe mattered to me except making her smile that way again. I lean up to kiss her forehead in response and lead her to the bed. No words are really needed...they might even break the magic of the moment. The look that passes between us before our lips find their way back together again says everything that needs to be said, anyway.


	3. Promises

He flicks the holonews report off with a mutter. I laugh. "What, don't want to see the next installment of ‘Alliance Biotics?' I hear there's a most dashing young Lieutenant they interviewed three weeks ago." The look he shoots me is good natured with just a hint of a twinkle in his eye.

"Dashing young Lieutenant, huh? Guess I'll have to be careful and not let him sweep you away." He pulls me against him and scoots us down to lie on the couch.

Ever since becoming intimate again, we had fallen into a dangerously addicting habit of constantly cuddling. If word of that ever got out, my reputation as a bad ass would be ruined forever. In private, though...I'll take it. I gladly press my face against his shoulder, deeply breathing his scent: regulation soap mingling with the faint spiciness from his aftershave. There's no better combination of smells in my opinion.

"Hey…"

My eyes flit up at his awkward call. He has that look on his face again; that ‘I'm trying to work up the courage' look. It's a rather charming expression, really. He bites his lip when our eyes meet and then tries to continue.

"I, um…" I get pulled a little closer; my arms have to squeeze out and end up around his neck, so now we're pretty much face to face. _Well, that probably didn't help his nerves at all._ A rough hand reaches up to trace my temple and jawline. "I just wanted to tell you…"

It's hard to hold back the slowly growing smile on my face. He's definitely at his most adorable when floundering for words. Would he chicken out, like he did right before Ilos with his "enjoyed serving under you" line? We both know what he's trying to say here. I give him a little encouragement – last chance before I take charge – in the form of gently pressing a kiss against his lips. The soft smile he gives me when I pull back is stunning.

I guess my expression is amusing because he lets out a quiet, almost nervous laugh. "Hell, Lia; we've been dancing around this for a while now. I love you."

Yeah, I knew what he was going to say. It's what I've been trying to work up the courage to spit out, too. It doesn't mean that when he said it to me, my spine _didn't_ tingle and straighten with a jolt of glee. It doesn't mean that I didn't forget how to breathe and my fingers didn't grasp his shirt lightly…because all those things definitely _did_ happen.

A heartbeat later, I blink back to reality and begin to reign in my idiotic grin. Time to say it back. I can do this! I'm Commander Fuc- wait. No. This is the one time I can't rely on my rank or military bravado. I need to be _me_ with him. I let my stupid grin reappear.

"I love you, too, Kaidan."

His only response is to smile sweetly, kiss me once, and then snuggle me back down against his chest. It strikes me immediately…this is such an ordinary moment. Relaxing on the couch after watching some holovids, saying "I love you," and then curling up to take a nap together. It's…peaceful. Normal. Everything we both _aren't._  He's a powerful biotic and I'm the first human Spectre. Both Marines, hardened military figureheads who helped save the Citadel. Yet here we are, quietly enjoying an afternoon nap together. In love. Like a normal couple.

He doesn't just make me feel human. He makes me feel _normal_ … and he loves the normal me.

* * *

I've always been a light sleeper – it comes with being in the military. That said, the soft, constant snore reverberating behind me had quickly turned from "annoyance" to "needed." I don't want to sleep without it anymore; not more than I have to. My body twists around and molds against his back, lips finding their way to gently kiss his shoulder. Apparently the movement manages to wake him up and he groans as his hand blindly finds its way to mine.

Blast, he's an even lighter sleeper than I am. I whisper an apology against his ear before pulling back.

His head lazily rolls back to shoot a sideways glance in my direction. "It's alright...what is it?"

"Mmm." I gently push his head back around before peering behind his right ear. "Looks like you've got a huge freckle back there."

It came to my attention at that exact moment that the sexiest sound in the world is a low, rumbling laugh: half tired, half suggestive. "It's big enough to call a birthmark, really."

He tries to push and face me, but I'm a soldier, too; I hold him in place. "Hold on, I want a better look at it."

"You woke me up to poke at my ear?" That laugh is still there, lurking beneath the question, but he does hold still as I stick my face close to inspect said mark. It's not that big, but it's definitely dark. Curiosity satisfied, I lie back and gently drift fingers along his shoulder. I love causing the shivers that ripple down his back.

My hand stops a millisecond before it caresses his implant site; don't want to shock him this early. His shoulder tenses ever so slightly. I wouldn't even have been able to tell if my fingers weren't resting along it. "...What is it?"

His head shakes and he settles back down. "It's nothing."

"Don't give me that BS. Turn around, Kaidan."

He doesn't move...so I do. I get up in all my scarred, naked glory and walk around the bed to sit in front of him. "Talk to me. We don't have the luxury of time and getting into arguments, even if the make-up sex would be _awesome._ "

That causes a laugh and he shifts to lie on his back. "I'm sorry, it's not even you...it's me." I quirk an eyebrow; if there was a quintessential lame break up line, that was it. "And no, I'm not _going_ anywhere _._ I mean it's my implant."

Now I'm worried. "Is there something wrong with it?" My hands immediately fly to push him over but he intercepts and holds them quietly.

"No, everything's fine. I just..." He sighs with frustration and pushes to sit up against the wall. "Your hand just now, it stopped before it touched my implant. It reminded me again of how we're different."

"We're different in a _lot_ of ways, Kaidan. You grew up with a family, you're quiet and you're kind of good at _not_ getting shot at. I'm the exact opposite." I don't understand the sudden hang up on his biotics.

He shoots me a dry look. "You know what I mean."

I scoot over and pull myself up sideways, sitting across his lap. Our eyes meet a moment later. "I do know what you mean, and you're being ridiculous." Before he can cut me off, I rest a finger against his lips. "Hear me out, okay?"

I'm rewarded with a silent nod.

"Sure, you can form mass effect fields and manipulate gravity. That doesn't change who you are. I'm _definitely_ not scared of you. I trust you too much for that. I love you the way you are. All of you. Your snoring, your worrying, your biotics...everything. If you trust _me_ , you'll believe that."

My words seem to have the desired effect as he smiles softly. "I do believe you. I guess I just wish..." Everything melts away for a brief moment as his hand trails up my arm and caresses my cheek. "I wish I didn't have to hold back all the time. Even now, here, I have to watch myself."

"No, you don't."

Another laugh, more sad than suggestive and more weary than tired. I hate _that_ laugh. "Yes, I do."

I square my shoulders and look him straight in the eye, command in my stare. "Generate a field. Right now."

"What? No!"

"Why not?"

"Why not?! We're not geared...hell, we're not even clothed..."

"And?" I'm giving him the most obstinate look I can manage. "Last I checked, you didn't need clothes to use your biotics."

A few moments pass; maybe even a few minutes go by as our gazes stay locked. I am _not_ losing this battle of wills. Finally he sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "And you don't need clothes to be stubborn... Are you sure?"

I smirk at him. "You act as if it's the first time you've engulfed me in your biotic aura, sir. And this time I won't complain if you tackle me, thanks to the lack of armor." The memory is a fond one and I see his mouth quirk up on one side.

He nods and closes his eyes. A few deep breaths later he slowly begins to glow, almost humming. It will always be fascinating to watch him work...I so rarely get to do it because we're usually too busy getting shot at while he's manipulating things. His face is surprisingly relaxed, but I suppose that makes sense: he needs to be able to pull up a barrier to protect himself without even truly thinking about it. I imagine that pulling people into the air or throwing them takes more effort. I mean, not only are they further away, he's working against them. The blue crackling slowly begins to crawl across my skin. I can't quite help a wide smile at the unique sensation.

It's as if a thousand static-filled kisses are gliding over me.

What feels like an eternity later – a slow, oddly sensual eternity later – we're both safely cocooned in an electrified bubble of gravity. His eyes finally open and immediately meet my gaze. It suddenly strikes me that there's something especially intimate about what we're doing right now. We weren't just making love or cuddling: I'm in his personal biotic barrier. At this very moment, we are the only two people in this little globule of space. Something that's an inextricable part of him is currently wrapped around me as well. My lips barely have time to curve into a small smile before they crash against his.

Hands graze sensitive skin, tongues play against one another. We only have a week left at this point and I'm beginning to try and burn all the special moments like this into my memory. As we hungrily explore one another, driven by this new intimacy, I wonder if he's doing the same. Eventually I need air and pull back with a gasp. I stare at him, stupidly happy and near-wild with passion. He laughs _that_ laugh again; I shiver and look to the barrier surrounding us. "Are you okay keeping it up the whole time?"

Oh, the unintentional joke. I walked _right_ into that one. We both snort with laughter. We're Marines; we're practically obligated to. "Of all the things to ask a man...I _think_ I can manage."

...Mind as well follow through with it now that I said it. "Well, that's good to hear." I push closer and gently graze my teeth against his shoulder before trailing my way up to his ear, nipping kisses the whole way. I breathe, "And as for the barrier..." My legs easily slide around so that I'm straddling him – bless military training. I lean back to look in his eyes. "Don't get _too_ distracted."

"I'll try."

And so began the best night of my life.

* * *

This morning, we ate our last breakfast. We just finished our last lunch, and now we're packing before our last dinner. I keep trying to think of it in more positive terms, but it's just not happening. I don't want to go back to being Lieutenant Alenko, and I don't want to go back to watching her get shot at on a daily basis. The Reapers are still out there, and we're both far too dedicated to actually quit and live a blissfully ignorant life until they get here…but it's damn tempting.

"Can you pass me that stabilizer?"

The gun mod is handed over to her with a soft smile before I go back to folding the last of my clothes. Only we would casually pack gun parts as if they were shampoo.

"Thanks."

Before my eyes focus on the task at hand, they catch a small glimpse of the look she shot my way: a tight but fond smile. Seems like she's also dwelling on the fact that everything's going to change again in mere hours. Hands deftly fold the last of my pants and tuck them into my pack. I quickly run through a mental checklist before nodding and zipping it up. "Well, that's that. I'm…packed."

Her bag is summarily zipped and tossed to the side. "Me, too." She plops down on the bed and I walk around to sit next to her, arm automatically going around her waist. Red hair lies against my shoulder as she sighs. "Tomorrow, huh?"

"Tomorrow." Reluctance permeates the room; neither wants to talk about how different everything is going to be tomorrow.

"How should we handle this?" Her conversation skills are much like her fighting tactics: go in hard and bold, don't leave much room for finesse. It's usually an endearing trait, but the soft sadness in her voice betrays her words. She never shows weakness, not even to me. After Virmire was the only time she ever let anyone see anything less than her with full confidence…and even then I was the only one she opened up to.

I twist my head to kiss her hair. "How do you want to handle it?"

She sits up and looks at me with a frown. "I don't know." Indecision clouds her eyes and she looks away with a frustrated sigh. "I don't _know._ " Hands reach for and encompass mine. "I don't want to give this up, give us up, but…can we really keep it from affecting our duties?" She doesn't look up, probably afraid of the answer; I know I am, and I'm the one giving it.

Can I honestly tell her things will be the same? My eyes drift across her profile: bright red hair lying across high cheekbones, vivid green eyes fixated on my hand, full lips curved in a small frown. No, I can't. I love her. I can't promise I wouldn't run into danger to save her, do whatever I could. A moment later, it occurs to me that I would do that anyway. She's my commanding officer. But…would I be able to follow an order she gave that would end with her death? My throat closes up even thinking about it.

Before Ilos, I was the one who wanted to extract the promise that nothing would change, that we wouldn't put our feelings before the crew. Here I sat two months later, clasping her hand tightly as I ran my other hand through her hair, realizing it was a foolish promise to try and make in the first place.

"No."

Whispering does nothing to hide the gravity of the word as it floats between us. She immediately looks back up to me, conflicted.

"I can't promise you it won't. I _love_ you. I don't say that to many people, you know." My little joke is met with a half-smile. "I can promise you this, though. If you give me an order, I will follow it. Because when we're on duty, you're my commanding officer and I will follow your orders. It'll be hard to separate duty from us, but I'm willing to try. If you want to break my heart, do it now. It'll hurt, a lot, but nothing would hurt more than knowing I didn't take this chance."

Eyes shutter closed as a small, pale hand reaches up to hold the hand I have pressed against her neck, pulling it down to her chest. "I couldn't break your heart, Kaidan, even if I wanted to." Her upper lip slowly gets pulled down, bitten by her teeth. I don't think she realizes it, but whenever she's making a tough call, she does that. Well, when she has the time to, anyway.

Finally she comes to a decision, nodding to herself. "Okay." Her eyes open to catch mine once more. "As long as you promise to follow my orders when we're on duty."

It will be a hard one to keep, but I'm nothing if not a man of my word. "I promise."

My words are immediately met with that soft, small smile I love so much. She lightly squeezes my hand in response. "Thank you."

"I still get to bunk in the captain's quarters, right? Sleeper pods are no replacement for half a real bed."

She shoves me as we both break into laughter.


	4. Back to Work

"We are on duty, Flight Lieutenant Moreau, and I do not believe that is appropriate discussion for the flight deck."

"Awww, c'mon! I haven't taken off yet."

"I am quite aware. Please rectify that." She sits down in the empty co-pilot seat, back rigidly straight with marine training, green eyes trained on the mission report in her hands.

Joker mutters under his breath about friends and hell and ice queens before setting about undocking from the Citadel.

I have to concentrate on helping tweak the power requests from engineering in order to keep from bursting into laughter. She is the best actress I've ever seen, award-winning holovids included. You'd have no idea that only three days ago she was writhing in...

_Dammit!_

I got distracted by the memory, clumsy fingers moving a bit too fast and knocking my coffee cup over. It's long since cooled, so short of a now-dirty pair of BDUs, the only thing I have to deal with now is embarrassment.

The mission report quietly gets set in her lap and she looks over to me with a red eyebrow arched. To everyone else, probably even Joker, she sounds like an ice queen at her most neutral. Only I notice the quick spark in her eye: that tiny bit of humor and passion she throws my way. "Distracted, lieutenant?"

She would ask that. Joker's laughing now. Dammit. I stand up with groan. "Yes, ma'am. Permission to go change?"

"Granted." The mission report review is resumed without a second look back to me. Oh, she is _so_ good.

I turn without another moment's hesitation; don't want to ruin the illusion of just co-workers. Stupid memories, distracting me during menial work tasks. I need to stop _doing_ that…

* * *

"Head to my quarters after your shift."

Warm words, barely even a whisper, rush across my ear. The woman they came from walks right on out of the elevator, brushing my shoulder as if I were just in her way. I can't help it, I grin widely to myself when the door shuts again. It's been almost two weeks since we set out and I miss sleeping next to her.

As we step out of the elevator, Garrus gives me a weird look. Is that what turians look like when they're inquisitive? He shrugs and goes to work on the Mako's wheels, so I go about my business in engineering.

* * *

This bunk isn't big enough for the two of us, but I love it that way. I'm pressed up against the wall and she's pressed up against me. Not much I can complain about, really. The thin sheen of sweat on her skin reflects the desk lamp's blue glow; it's an enchanting sight. My eyes trace down and then back up her form.

Everything about this woman is exactly what I want, what I need: the painful looking scar on her stomach, the nearly black birthmark on her left hip, her fiery, indomitable spirit with hair to match. The complete trust she has in me, enough to actually fall asleep in my arms. My fingers drift along her shoulder and I plant a small kiss on her temple.

"Mmm, 'm not ‘sleep yet."

Sleep slurs her words, causing a chuckle. I pull her a little closer and whisper in her ear. "Well, go to sleep already."

"Mmm… Tell me a story first."

A story, eh? I can do that. I settle in and decide to go for straightforward. It's a little tacky, definitely sappy, but I know that deep down she loves it. My fingers idly run up and down her arm as I tell her a ‘story.'

"Well, once upon a time, there was this man. He was the most devastatingly handsome man to ever live, and he had magic telekinetic powers. One day, he met the craziest woman with hair so bright, it shone like a sunset."

She's tired, but not tired enough to keep from cracking a huge, goofy smile. I love how uninhibited she gets this late at night.

"That woman was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, and on top of that, she was a decent shot."

A finger sleepily jabs my stomach.

"…Okay, she was a _great_ shot. The two went through some crazy adventures, and even managed to save the Citadel itself. Before the devastatingly handsome man knew what had happened, he was head over heels in love with the red-haired gun woman." I lean over to kiss her cheek and then gently push her to face me. Green eyes slowly peek out from under their lids to meet mine. "He wouldn't know what to do without her."

Her soft, sweet smile emerges, faded by sleepiness. "I love you, Kaidan."

"I love you, too. Now sleep, you've had your story." I kiss her forehead this time and lay back down.

She nods and snuggles into me, voice muffled by my chest. "What ‘bout th' end?"

"Well, they beat every bad guy and lived happily ever after, of course."

That seems to satisfy her. My arms tighten around her before we both float off to sleep.

* * *

Terrycloth flies across the room, landing squarely in Kaidan's face. I grin; my aim is never off. He laughs and tears it away, tossing it on the bed.

"Take that back."

Brown eyes flash mischievously before darting over my now-naked form. "Why would I take it back? I got what I wanted."

I roll my eyes and move to rustle through my dresser for some military-issue night clothes. "You're cute, but you're not _that_ cute, Alenko."

"And what's wrong with a man telling the woman he loves that he finds it adorable when she has her hair wrapped up in a towel?" Warm hands pull me back against him, roaming where they please. I spin around to deny him, pressing up against his own night clothes. He grins widely, completely unrepentant.

"There is nothing _adorable_ about me."

Our lips crash together, but we're almost immediately interrupted by a clicking on the comm terminal. He groans and flops face-down on the bed as I quickly toss on one of my N7 hoodies and sweats from basic. I shush him before sitting down and clicking to accept the call.

Anderson's face flickers onto the screen, minutely surprised. "Ah, damn. Sorry, Shepard; didn't realize your hours had shifted that much."

"It's fine, Captain. I was just about to go to bed, anyway." I salute.

He laughs. "Captain? More like Councilor, no thanks to you."

"I can always go back and recommend Udina instead, if you like." The look I get in response makes me chuckle loudly.

The terminal beeps as he sends me some information. "No, I'll do my best here; speaking of which, we have new intel on a ship that just went missing. Third one this month. There are possible hints of Geth activity as well, so we'd like you to go check it out."

I stare at him.

"Listen, I know it seems like a waste of time, but you never know." The uncomfortable silence continues for some time before he sighs. "I know, I know. But this is the best we've got. Maybe you'll find some information on the Reapers if we can capture data from the Geth."

He's trustworthy, no doubt about that; I know he believes me. He's the only superior who has actually believed me the entire time. He'll fight, but there's only so much one man can do. _Damn,_ are the Council and Alliance stupid! The Geth aren't the real concern – the Reapers are. We delayed them, nothing more. I rub my temple. "Anderson…"

"I know. I'll do what I can."

Can't really ask for more than that, can I? I nod quietly. "Thank you, sir."

"Take care of yourself, kid." His picture blips out of existence as Kaidan sits up and looks at me.

When I spin in my chair, his face catches me by surprise: he looks…confused. I blink and stand up, clicking the terminal off. I'm officially off duty – Pressley can have the honor of fielding messages while I sleep. "What?"

A hand runs through black hair and he scoots to lean against the wall, feet dangling over the edge. "He calls you ‘kid'?"

I laugh loudly. "Well, he's technically a Councilor first, plus he isn't my commanding officer any more. We've known each other for years – he's a good friend. So yeah, he calls me ‘kid' when no one else is around." I crawl across the bed to sit next to him, arms immediately twining together.

"Mmm, except for when your boyfriend is eavesdropping behind the scenes."

"Boyfriend, hmm?" A mischievous grin spreads across my face. "New title there, Alenko?"

His shoulder lightly nudges me. "Well, if there's one job in the world that's tougher than being a biotic officer, it's being Commander Shepard's Boyfriend. Capital ‘b,' mind you."

The joke was unexpected; I burst into laughter. We both simmer down, my head on his shoulder as his head leans against mine. The mood from before the call is definitely gone, but there's a quiet happiness in just _sitting_ together. I loathe the idea of breaking it, opting instead to quietly trace along his arm with a finger.

He shifts and reaches into his pocket, yanking out his dog tags. I blink in confusion and nudge his temple. "What are you doing?"

"I…have an idea." Oh, those always end well. I sit straight and look to him. He has a quiet, nervous look about him. "Where are yours?"

I always know where my tags are. I lean to scrape them off the nearby desk. "My tags? Here, why?" Instead of responding, Kaidan quietly looks to me and then unsnaps his chain. One of the two ID tags falls into his lap. He holds it in his palm, offering it to me with an uncertain look. Oh, god! He wants to do a tag swap. How utterly…ridiculous! Corny! Sappy…

…Charming.

My jaw drops before quickly being engulfed in a stupid grin. I quickly follow suit, ripping a tag off and setting it down on his leg. The originally offered tag quickly finds its way onto my chain, which I immediately pull over my head. I hold the two tags up to the light, our names shining together in engraved metal. It's such a simple, but sweet gesture. "…Oh, we are such dorks."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He turns to face me and reaches up to brush some still-damp hair behind my ear. "Listen, I know it's hard hiding like this; maybe these will help." His hand drifts down to cover the hand I'm using to hold the tags. I'm trying not to grin so widely, but I just can't help myself.

Time to throw some humor into the mix; I don't have a way with words like he does. "Well, if we want to seal the deal of ‘lamest couple ever,' we have to promise to always wear them."

"Done." Damn him, he didn't even miss a beat. He never does – it's why we play so well off each other. Brown eyes sparkle with amusement at catching me off guard. I wasn't expecting anything so sweet and completely random like this. It's the kind of thing he knows I love: sappy to the point of saccharine, an inside joke we can reference, and completely hidden in plain sight from everyone else.

I lean up and reward him with a soft kiss to the temple. "That easy, huh?"

He twists his head so we're face to face now, breath mingling as noses bump against each other. His lips brush against mine as he speaks, the words not even remotely important compared to that sensation. "Only for you, Lia."

I gently nudge up to kiss him, slowly getting lost in his taste, his touch. There are certain kisses you'll remember your whole life: because it was an important time, or it was particularly _good_. This was one of those rare kisses, one where the passion lay dormant to a deeper connection. By the time we part with a mutual gasp, he has me firmly pinned against the bed. I smile softly, finger tracing the scars on his lower lip.

"I love you." The simple words belie just how much I mean them. He's the person that's kept me anchored despite all the BS of this mission, the one I knew I could rely on with more than just my life. I could trust him. The look in his eyes tells me he understands. Throughout all the horrible things we've witnessed in the past year, we found something _good_ hiding in the shadows. Something worth fighting for.

He leans on an elbow, freeing his other hand; it quickly goes to work at making me melt by cupping my jaw. "I love you, too. Always will." The small addition sends a thrill down my spine. Kaidan isn't one to mince words in private: he says what he means. Promising to always love me means just that. I'd be grinning like a moron if I wasn't so overwhelmed at the thought. He just said he would _always_ love me.

Tears begin to blur my vision. I laugh and blink them away. "Look what you did."

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not." That smirk drives me insane, and he knows it. Lips find their way to my neck, and any chance I had at having a thought goes out the airlock. Better that way, anyway; we made a promise that any time we were safely squirreled away from the world, nothing else mattered but us. Like he had said before Ilos: _we_ are important right now. While we're in our little bubble of space, everything can be what we want it to be – even the future. I pull him close and press my lips against his, imagining a future with dead Reapers and boring retirement ceremonies.


End file.
